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In the evening of the 23rd September 1786, I was asked by a friend, if I had got the spirit of a missionary, or, if I wished to go abroad. I smiled, and replied – No – I had no inclination or thoughts of ever leaving my native country. |
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On the 30th of the same month, I received a letter from another friend, informing me that a colony was going to be established in New Holland, or New Zealand – that a chaplain was wanted – that application had been made to him, to know whether he knew of any proper person for and willing to undertake such an arduous work – and that if I chose to accept of, he could secure me the appointment. |
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The feelings, which I had upon receiving this letter and for a time after, are easier felt than described. For several nights and days both my sleep and appetite were in a great measure taken away. I did little else than weep and sigh, whilst I trust both by fervent prayer and fasting, I implored divine direction what to do in an affair of so weighty moment. On the one hand – the idea of leaving my parents, relations, friends and the respectful connections which I had formed – the dangers of the sea – the description of people I was going with – the place to which we were going, to the very ends of the earth – to a country wild and uncultivated – to be exposed to savages, and perhaps to various wild beasts of prey – Those, and such like ideas so impressed my mind with fear and terror, that I sometimes was greatly indisposed, and almost resolved to decline the offer. But then on the other hand – when I considered – the propriety – nay, the necessity of some person going out in this capacity – how the offer of the appointment was made to me – my situation at that time, having no charge of my own – the hopes and prospects of being rendered useful in the reformation of those poor and abandoned people – the power and promises of God to protect me in any place or situation wherein, in the line of duty, I followed the leading of Providence – and the prospects of a glorious reward hereafter, laid up in Heaven for all God’s faithful servants and people – these considerations overbalanced and removed all my scruples and fears, and induced me to give my free consent to enter upon this hazardous expedition. |
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I then, by the advice and direction of my friends, waited on his Grace the Archbishop of Canterbury upon this affair, who was pleased, in a most respectful and condescending[obliging] manner, not only to give me his sanction, but also to wish me success equal to my wishes in so arduous, important, and dangerous an undertaking. |
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Marylynn Rouse, 21/01/2019
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