1788 January 3

 
My dear Madam,
 
I verily thought I had answered your last favour at least that part of it, which gives the affecting account of your son. But, I am afraid, from the drawer, in which, I found it this morning, though I certainly intended writing soon, I have not done it yet. If not, I well deserve the reproof the turkey and ducks gave me, last night. I have been unusually busy of late, having had some long pen-services superadded to my other engagements. [1]
 
As to the Curacy business, I think you have fully done your part. I must own, I never thought it either very necessary, or easily practicable, while there was a Minister, acceptable and useful, in the Meeting house. Ministers, and others, who know the Lord, are certainly bound, as you observe to Mr Pugh, if they have affluence, to contribute to  the support of his cause – but it is not easy to say, how far they are bound to a particular object proposed to them; I think, they have a right to exercise their own judgment, in the preference they give. And, I confess, if I lived in Lincolnshire, I should think it more desirable, to introduce an evangelical Curate (if I could) into some parish where there was no Mr Caldwell, and no people gathered as Dissenters, than with Sleaford. If Mr Pugh and others were willing to give large assistance, I could not wish a worthy man to depend upon, a precarious subsistence, from abroad – they who helped to maintain him, would probably expect, in many things, to direct and govern him – which to a man of spirit and integrity, who wishes to see with his own eyes, and to act for himself, would be both a bondage, and a snare. In short, while Mr Caldwell stays at Sleaford, the people who cannot afford to support two Preachers, ought, in my opinion to support him; and till they are forced from this obligation, I see not the necessity of introducing another. Were the case my own, I should be very unwilling to depend upon contributions, from any persons, to whom I did not preach.
 
But enough of this – a subject more interesting to my feelings calls for my attention. I mean your present heavy trial, which I find, by your favour of the 1st Instant, is still heavier, than when you wrote before. It is, as you say, a dark, mysterious providence, to an eye of sense; and so are many or most of his dispensations to his own people. He frequently moves in a mysterious way. [2] But faith can penetrate through the cloud, perceive the hand that guides it, and hear him saying, Be still, and know that I am God! [3] I think, you may warantably, and comfortably consider the gracious impressions, which have been made upon the mind of your child, as a token for good, that the Lord will mark him for his own, and in his own best time, effectually, draw him to himself. If he will work, none can, effectually, hinder. But he often permits intervals of discouragement to arise. Thus, when he sent Moses to deliver Israel from Egypt, instead of obtaining an instant release, their burdens were doubled, and their case rendered worse than before; till his precise hour arrived. So, when he sent his prophets to encourage Israel, to rebuild the second Temple; almost the next news we hear is, that the malice of their enemies, prevailed for a time, to put a stop to the work. Yet Israel was delivered, and the temple was finished. Your part is to wait and pray, to pray and wait and to carry every difficulty, and hard question, as it may arrive, and leave it at the foot of the throne of grace. The rest is the Lord’s part, and our extremity, is often the time of his opportunity. I am pleased when I observe religious appearances in children, I am willing to consider them, as presages, of future good. But I lay no great present stress upon them (unless they die in early life) till they are brought to a pinch, to a real distress, from a pungent sense of the depravity of the heart, and the necessity of an atonement for sin. Till they set out from this point, I do not wonder, nor am I much discouraged, at their convictions sometimes wearing off, and then returning. These changes, I rather hope, may be a favourable symptom, as they seem to prove that their concern, when they appear concerned, is not merely an imitation of what they observe in others, but rather a genuine feeling from within, an effect of the Lord’s knocking at the door of their hearts. He knocks, he withdraws, and knocks again, perhaps repeatedly, before he breaks the bolts and bars, and takes a full possession. But he comes at last, and will have no denial. I have often seen thus, and hope you will see it, in the case of your child. When a young one was brought to Jesus, we read, that while he was yet coming, the devil threw him down and tore him. Yet he was forced to quit his possession, and what our Lord said to his afflicted parent, I may say to you, “if thou canst believe – all things are possible to him that believeth.” [4] See likewise John 11:40. [5] The time was, My dear Madam, when you were exercised with many doubts and fears, respecting your own state. The Lord has delivered you from these; and now he has given you stronger faith, it is his pleasure to call you to other trials. But his eye is upon you, and his ear open to your prayer. Though your path should lie through floods and flames, he will be with you. You see at present but a very small part of his plan; could you see the whole, you would approve, and admire it. But what you know not now, you shall know hereafter. In the meantime, Blessed is she that believeth etc Luke 1:45. [6]
 
It would have given us sincere pleasure to see you in London. I hope, if we are spared, it shall be so yet, but, it seems, the Lord’s time is not come. Whenever he sees it best for us to meet, he will remove hindrances, and bring us together. Oh, for grace to repose in his wisdom, and to be resigned to his will in all things, whether we account them great, or small – for indeed the great and the small, and our concerns, are so blended together, have such mutual dependencies, and often spring so imperceptibly out of each other, that we can hardly tell, with certainty, which is which.
 
Mrs Newton is at present pretty well, and all our house. She joins with me in love and respects to you, and to Mr Gardiner.
 
I am, My dear Madam,
Your very affectionate and obliged servant
John Newton
 
3 January 88
[the top of the letter is dated '4 Jan^y 88' in another hand]

 
Mrs N_ thanks you for the turkey and ducks – and for all past instances of your kindness – and so do I.
 
[franked Robert Thornton]
London fourth January 1788
Mrs Gardiner
Sleaford
Lincolnshire


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