1783 September 23
My dear Madam,
I thank you for your letter. It gave us great pleasure to hear that the Lord had brought you happily through the trial which was in prospect when you wrote last, had given you a son and renewed your health and strength. [1] We would join with you in praises for his goodness and we congratulate you and Mr Gardiner on the event. May all your children be the sons and daughters of the Lord Almighty.
It rejoices me likewise that you are delivered from those dark and distressing thoughts which for a time burdened you. It would be I think for your peace if you would consider those painful exercises, rather as the effect of Satan’s temptations under which the Lord supports and compassionates you, than as evils for which you do well to charge yourself with guilt. Undoubtedly if there was not unbelief in us (which is always sinful) the suggestions of the enemy would not take such hold of us, nor make so deep an impression. But we have no reason to burden ourselves with guilt, because we suffer and feel the pain of those fiery darts which we are not able to avoid. Guilt properly speaking has only place in a believer’s heart, when he acts with the consent of his will, against the rule of duty. This certainly was not your case. And when our natural spirits are weak, and the enemy is permitted to come in like a flood, we can no more prevent the effects of his violence, than we can prevent a headache or a fever. You are in my opinion highly favoured. You are at seasons greatly comforted and cheered by the Lord’s goodness. And when he calls you to conflicts, he covers your head in the day of battle, and in due time gives you the victory. You seem yourself sensible that the Lord instructs you and does you good by these trials; why then should you think for a moment that he is displeased with you, because such thoughts as your heart recoils at and abhors are forced upon you? It is not necessary to remind you of my representation of the child and the gypsy, you have not forgotten it, and I believe you may justly apply it to yourself. My dear Madam you have no reason to think of the Lord as a hard master, or as if he looked upon you otherwise than as a parent looks with pity and tenderness upon his children, and more especially so when they are sick or afflicted. Temptations that not only shake our comfort, but strike at the very foundation of hope, and call even the truth of Scripture in question, are not uncommon in the experience of believers. A good woman at Olney whom I judged to be as holy and spiritual and as strong a believer as most I have conversed with, was thus harassed for some months, after walking with the Lord more than forty years. But she knew it was the enemy – she knew that though it interrupted her comfort, it did not affect her state – that when she walked in the light and could rejoice on the Mount she was in herself no better, and when she walked in darkness and was fighting in the valley, she was in herself no worse. In either situation Jesus was her all, she waited patiently for him (as patiently as she could) and the Lord set her at liberty, as he did you. Changes in our frames, feelings and views, may be expected as surely as changes in the weather, while we dwell in an enemy’s land. But ere long we shall be out of his reach; then sorrow and sighing shall flee away; and our joy be not only unspeakable, but unchangeable.
I must, as often as you give me pain, gently complain and beg you to spare me. An affectation of humility is so easy, that I am unwilling to say a word, yet you constrain me. You write, “How happy and highly favoured are you upon whom the sanctifying influences of divine grace are so plentifully poured forth as to keep pace with the spiritual wisdom given you.” I must beg you to avoid these kind of expressions. They would be improper if there was ground for them – but the application to me is rather mortifying than flattering. If it was possible you could know me they would have the air of a sarcasm – like complimenting a cripple for his agility. But though you cannot know me I would wish you to believe me. I hope my desire is towards the Lord – his I am and him I wish to serve. But the 5th letter to Lord Dartmouth in Cardiphonia expresses my real experience; [2] how then must I be hurt when you speak of my sanctity and wisdom! Pray spare me in future! I am what I am, you are what you are, by the grace of God; if we should indulge a wish of being like each other it would be wrong, yet I have been often tempted this way, to think that if I had the views and feelings which I suppose some of my friends have, I should be better off; but let us rather wish to be more like Jesus, more dependent on him and devoted to him.
It is a great mercy to be able to perceive in ourselves any traces of the characters of God’s children as described in his word. But there is so much evil mixed with our good, and our best is so far below the standard that it is often difficult in a dark hour to collect evidences of our adoption from our graces, frames and attainments. But a direct application of the heart to Jesus Christ crucified, and a venturing upon his grace and faithfulness, is to us, what looking to the brazen serpent was to Israel. The question is not so properly am I humble or spiritual enough? – But has he died, risen and ascended? And am I willing to be saved in his way and upon his terms? This was the ground of Paul’s confidence – he knew that he had committed his soul to Christ, and that he was able and faithful to take care of it. 2 Timothy 1:12. [3] While we dwell in an enemy’s land, we cannot expect to be out of the reach of his fiery darts, and while sin dwelleth in us, the effects will be felt. We have always cause for humiliation, but we have no just reason to be distressed. Such comfortable seasons as you were favoured with in London call for thankfulness, but in our present mixed state, it would not be good or safe for us to be always so. As I said before, you were no better then than you are now, only the Lord was more sensibly with you, more sensibly but not more really, than in your darker hours. At one time he shows you what he can do for you and in you; at another time he leaves you to feel how little you can do without him. Both are equally necessary in their places but the best proof of faith, is to cleave to him and trust in him when we walk in darkness, and have little to rest upon but his simple word of promise.
Poor Mr Morse is tried, but I hope he will be enabled to trust in the Lord, then I am sure he shall not be finally disappointed.
It is doubtless a trial, to be abridged of your opportunities of hearing the Gospel. But you are in the Lord’s hands, and the path which he allots you must be the right way. Under his direction seeming hindrance well prove real helps. You are not dependent even upon ordinances, when his providence puts them out of your reach, and when it [is] his pleasure to do you good by them, he will open your way to them. But his grace shall be sufficient for you. His good word and his throne of grace are always open to you, and from these sources he will supply all your wants, and make your strength equal to your day.
We unite in most affectionate regards to you, and in respects to Mr Gardiner.
I am sincerely Madam
Your much obliged servant
John Newton
Hoxton ye 23 September 83
Endnotes:
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[1] |
Henry Gardiner was baptised at St Denys, Sleaford, on 9 July 1783. |
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[2] |
In his 5th letter to Lord Dartmouth, dated March 1772, Newton shared his thoughts on Romans 7:19, The evil which I would not, that I do. He began: ‘Permit me to tell your Lordship a little part (for some things must not, cannot be told), not of what I have read, but of what I have felt, in illustration of this passage.’ |
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[3] |
2 Timothy 1:12 For the which cause I also suffer these things: nevertheless I am not ashamed: for I know whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I have committed unto him against that day. |
Acknowledgements:
Morgan Museum and Library MA 733.20 |
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